When I Grow Up

I’ve always been envious of people who knew what they wanted to do with their lives.  I have many successful friends and family members who are inspiring and have worked hard to get to where they are.  Career goals in their mind’s eye, they managed to stay focused (how? they were so many happy hours?!) and have reached fulfilling places in their fields.

Now, me?  I spent most of my 20s (most, all, whatever) partying while scraping my way through university. I’ve been extremely fortunate to land some jobs I really loved while traveling down my path and met some fantastic friends amongst co-workers.  Even though I don’t regret the steps I’ve taken, I haven’t ended up exactly at a place I’d like to be.  My lack of direction has always been obvious and led me to jobs instead of a career or towards an end goal.  I chose safe or for the moment jobs instead of broadening my views on what I could be doing for a lifetime.

I find myself still struggling to know exactly where and what I want to be. I know I’m smart (not smarty pants smart but I can read a book and write a paper) and there’s always the option of going back to school (hello, student loans). But, for what exactly?

I wish they had guidance counselors for people my age, who will listen to you ramble while you spill your dreams and describe the things you like, then they’d tell you the best career for you. But no. I have to be an adult and figure that out on my own. WTF. If I had that capability, I would have that sorted out by now.  I suppose I could seek out a psychic but who has the money for that.

Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.

Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life.

Do what you love and the money will follow.

Passion is the difference between having a job and having a career.

Who do I know that is living one or more of these mantras? How did you do it? Did you always know what you wanted?

I think part of my problem is not knowing myself.  I hid me from me for a very long time with the help of drugs and alcohol. I’m now forced to reckon with myself and uncover some truths and one of them is – who are you and what do you want to be when you grow up.

I’ve started looking at various programs, different schools in my city, and discussing options and opinions with friends and family.  I’m looking inwards to figure out what I enjoy – I realized that analyzing and researching are my jam in addition to reading and writing.  But where does that leave me? The jury is still out on that but one thing is for sure, I haven’t blossomed yet because there’s a lot more for me to learn.  I just need to figure out where to plant my seeds so I can keep growing.


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