Growing Pains

I’m sitting here nursing my baby, thinking. I’ve been sitting here for roughly 3.5 hours, so time to think is something I have a lot of.  All this cluster feeding better result in the loss of 3.5 pounds (that’s EXACTLY how that works, shaddup).  I’m wondering – when are you “allowed” to outgrow something? A person, a career, a lifestyle. What’s the breaking point, the point in which you’re not giving up or giving in – you’re just letting go?

I’ve been feeling my anxiety increase and I know I need to make some changes. Although I’m having trouble grasping exactly what to change, I know something’s gotta give.  I saw a therapist for the first time in a while (sidenote – not because I didn’t want to go but due to a backlog in our healthcare system. My doc has a 300 person waiting list and had to stop taking names. Sad times for many who need help.) One of her suggestions was to get back on medication.  I have nothing against them at all, they were extremely helpful before but I’m not sure if that alone is what I need. Just because I was on medication before is that necessarily the lifestyle change I need to make?

There’s a loneliness that comes with the isolation of being a parent with little kids.  I think part of my issue is combating that. Getting out is key.  Being with friends who are supportive and who I can support right back (lifting each other up and all that jazz). I’m fortunate to have great friends but I think we all have people in our lives who weigh us down rather than raise us up. Do you let those relationships slide and maintain them as acquaintances or drop it completely and move on?

Another piece of loneliness postpartum is the restrictions imposed after giving birth. I was advised to take it easy for 6 weeks.  No high-energy exercise.  I can walk with the kids/walk the dog but it’s not the same as breaking a sweat. I break a sweat carrying the toddler up the stairs but you know what I’m trying to say.  I think some exercise/activities will be helpful for some mental clarity and anxiety relief.  If anything, I think having something that’s just for me will give me some peace.  I haven’t been committed to anything physical in a while, does that make me a poser if I pick up a new sport? I played soccer during my youth and have always enjoyed (slow) jogging and most recently have taken up snowboarding in an attempt to keep up with my stepkid.  Maybe I’ll take up kickboxing and kill two birds with one stone. I’ll get some exercise and kick some bad habits to the curb.

MAYBE I need to get more sleep. But if I don’t stay up after the baby (finally) falls asleep when will I write without interruption or eat cookies. I talk about cookies a lot. Hint – bring me (dairy free and super healthy) cookies.

Thanks for reading my midnight (1am) ramblings friends, acquaintances, and potential workout buddies.


  1. Oh girl, I’ve been where you are…I think I’m currently there. In this crazy time, do what you need to do to feel good. Meds, yep. Drop those friendships, YEP. Sweat. Yessss. Try yoga. Stretch those baby holding muscles and focus on breathing instead of “what am I making them for lunch”. Hang in there! You’re doing amazing.

  2. You are too funny, and I totally feel for you! I have some unorthodox suggestions if you’d like. I’ve had 5 kids and have some “hacks.” 1. Take mega, crazy ass doses of EPA/DHA (wild caught, tested for mercury). 2. Read the book Boundaries (link on my blog here, 3. I’ll exercise with you, make you laugh, and make you cookies!
    Thanks for sharing

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