I have been avoiding writing because I've been avoiding addressing my feelings. Healthy? No. But it's the truth and that's what I'm here for.
My anxiety returned full force at the beginning of my 3rd trimester. It was overwhelming and intense, no matter how prepared I thought I was going to be for it. There are a lot of issues I need to broach (with a licensed psychiatrist but a huge one is the upcoming birth of my newest baby and the decisions I need to make surrounding it.
My birth experience with my son was not what I wanted and left me feeling scared of a similar outcome this go around. After speaking with my doctor, we decided the next best step for me is counseling to sort through my feelings.
A big part of my anxiety is my everyday struggle with expectations. What are my expectations of myself and what do other people expect of me? I worry more than I care to admit about what other people think of me and what they think I should be doing.
In the words of my partner "fuck them and what they think" but that's always easier said than done.
I'm trying to be more in tune to what I need and tune out more of the (perceived) buzz around me.
I'm trying to be me. Still not 100% sure who that is yet…