Detox Recap

a.k.a.  – I love Twizzlers

In a post, I wrote a couple of months back (Trying to say bye to the haze) I tried a cleanse to help clear my mind and kick my sugar addiction.  I chose the Wild Rose Herbal D-Tox and I gotta say, it wasn’t terrible! That’s my version of a glowing review, FYI.

Without getting into the specifics of the detox, HK Love Bites has a good overview here if you’re interested, I found that the recommended diet helped me get back to basics, and determine which foods worked well for my body and what didn’t.

One huge change for me was noticing the effect the sugar had on my overall mood. I was happier, less moody, less sluggish and my circadian clock got itself back on track  It was only a week but the changes were extremely noticeable to me. Please note, I generally eat hella sugar. More than normal, more than what’s right or okay.

This cleanse managed to make me change my overall diet, make better food choices, become more conscious about what foods I like, how I can cook healthier and what makes me feel best. (For instance, dairy, and peanuts make my gut say, “no, no, no”. Guys, I feel like we’re really bonding.)  A bonus to the whole thing was losing roughly 10 pounds!  Well, partly the cleanse and partly the multiple times I had the stomach flu. I’ll still give Wild Rose some of the credit.

I’d recommend trying this out if you’re looking to kick sugar for a little bit/system restart (we aren’t meant to live without licorice forever), you have time on your hands to prepare your meals and snacks, and don’t really have anywhere to be.  I did this while unemployed and home with my kid all day. If I had to do this while working in an office, I wouldn’t last 1 day because office snacks, potlucks and lunch meetings are designed for us all to fail at healthy eating.  Add kids and my laziness in the mix and you’d find me eating chips at my desk for breakfast day 1.

That’s enough healthy eating talk for 2016.  Now, let’s embrace December for all of its full-fat, sugary and carbolicious majesticness. Eggnog french toast, here I come!!!

Predetermined

Last night, I stole a muffin that was meant for my kids and I ate it. Once they were out of sight, I seized my opportunity and gleefully stuffed the gigantic chocolate chocolate-chip muffin into my mouth while watching a PVR’d episode Big Bang Theory.  No less than 2 hours later,  nausea kicked in. The porcelain god began to play his siren song and I was drawn to the bathroom.  All night long, I suffered. Paid my dues. Karma is a bitch and she got her revenge.  Never again will I steal a muffin given to my kids by their grandfather. Please pay attention to how specific that “never again” was…. I may borrow a muffin from my children in the future, just not in the scenario mentioned above.

There is the possibility that it’s simply the stomach flu and it was a random bug I picked up along the way,  an occupational hazard for being a parent.

I’m too dramatic for a simple bug, so karma it is!

While I lay on the couch, resigned to my fate, I opened up a little package I’ve received in the mail. Three great books with a lovely note that said, “you deserve these. Get reading and writing, make this time count”.

I’m inspired! How thoughtful! So kind!

Just another twist of fate.  While I am in the process of starting my own business and writing with focus and purpose, I get this motivation at my door!

If you haven’t already, please re-read that last bit in a sarcastic tone. Now, you get it.

I sent this package to myself.  Surprise!  I was surprised when it arrived, my memory is terrible and I forgot I ordered it online.

I bought myself a book to improve my writing style, another to try a new author and the third to visit a well-known one.  At the checkout, I added the note because I think I’m hilarious.

I’m a believer of fate but sometimes you gotta make your own destiny, or at least push it in the direction you want.

Am I right? Or am I right?

 

 

Evolved

For the past month and a half, I’ve written more than a dozen posts that have been saved to drafts.  Trying to figure out “who I am” and “what I want to say” has been a challenge.

BTW, I purposefully put those in quotes to emphasize the cheesiness of both phrases.

My inner battle has a name and it goes by Hypocrite.

I’ve done things in my life I’m not proud of, some I’m even ashamed of.  I feel like I’ve lived 6 different lives as 6 variations of the same person.  Part of my past, the person I was and the things I’ve done I attribute to drugs and alcohol,  immaturity and just being an idiot.  At what point can I grant myself forgiveess and allow myself into a new phase of life without worrying I’m a phoney.  Is it at the point a lesson is learned?  When apologies are made, regardless of whether or not the offender is forgiven?  When a person can honestly admit to themselves that who they were wasn’t who they should have been and make efforts to no longer want to live that way?  How long do these life changes need to be in effect in order to say the change is real?

When I read the news and see the human suffering happening everywhere, every day, my perspective on life is challenged.  Can I cry for the soul of a young black man murdered in front of his family, a soul I never knew, and then sign a petition and share it to facebook as though I’ve made a difference.   Having a strong moral opinion on the horrific atrocities happening in Aleppo doesn’t change the fact that I’m still sitting safely in my living and haven’t done more than shared articles to facebook or donated money.

I’ve been far from a perfect friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister, auntie, step-mother and mother. Made many mistakes, both intentional and unintentional.  Trying to come to terms with who you are is a struggle at any age and phase of life, for most people (I think?)  Honestly, it just plain fucking sucks. It’s painful and embarrassing and not a quick journey. I hope owning my past and feeling remorse for the person I was and the time I wasted is part of my path to redemption. Or, at the very least, I hope I’m balancing out my karma with all the sleepless nights with Theo,  cleaning up poop from every surface area in his floor.

xx Rascal

So don’t matter how much I say I like to preach with the Panthers
Or tell Georgia State “Marcus Garvey got all the answers”

Or try to celebrate February like it’s my B-Day
Or eat watermelon, chicken, and Kool-Aid on weekdays

Or jump high enough to get Michael Jordan endorsements
Or watch BET cause urban support is important

So why did I weep when Trayvon Martin was in the street when gang banging make me kill a nigga blacker than me?
Hypocrite!

Kendrick Lamar – The Blacker the Berry