I forgot and remembered my Mom’s birthday

Yesterday, as soon as I woke up and gathered up my kids, I phoned my Mom to wish her a Happy Birthday. She laughed and said, “You’re a day early, call me back tomorrow”.  My step-daughter thought that was ridiculously hilarious.Her birthday is October 22nd, I know that, but I either thought Friday was the 22nd or that

Her birthday is October 22nd, I know that, but I either thought Friday was the 22nd or that I woke up and it was Saturday.  I’m not really sure.  This is small potatoes when you consider that my mother once threw my Uncle a surprise birthday party a month early by accident.  This got me thinking about how it seems I’m quickly turning into my mother.  Glasses, Fro and the ability to sleep any and everywhere.

In honor of my beautiful Mom’s birthday (October 22nd, in case you’ve forgotten), I thought it would be fitting to recognize some of the traits I’ve picked up on my way to becoming my mother.  A more crass, much louder and severely unstable version of her.

I am always mixing up my children’s names with each other, the pets and my partner. When I was a kid, it drove me nuts when my Mom would call me by my brother’s names.  Of her 3 kids, I’m the only girl, so I deserve some sort of special place in her brain.  I’ve kicked up her mo a notch by throwing my own name into the rotation, gets me some street cred.

I notice IMMEDIATELY how loud music. In a store, at the playpark, in the car or in my house. Why is it so loud? Who is loud for? You? Me? The neighbors two blocks away?  If it’s past 10pm, not a song that I regularly listen or poorly mixed with techno you better believe I’m turning it off/down or walking away.  Unless it’s music that I’ve put on, then there are no rules.

I love to tell my step-daughter that I’m funny.  I make jokes, she rolls her eyes, I bust a gut laughing and she says “that’s not even funny”.   To this day, my mother’s response to “you’re so funny, Mom” (sarcasm font) is, “thank you! I’m glad I have you kids to remind me how funny i am!” And I still roll my eyes, just like I did 20 years ago.  Well, the torch has been passed and I proudly carry on her legacy. My children may not laugh but I will for I am the star stand-up comedian in my mind.  And that’s all that matters.

When I’m pissed as hell at my kids and I’m telling them they better get outta my face before I beat them (jk I don’t’ say that…) I can feel the essence of my mother circa 1988 rise up from within and take over.  It’s as though I don’t have a choice, I can hear her words coming out of my mouth, “That is NOT how we behave or how we treat people.” I even spit a little when I yell. *sigh* Just like she did when I was a kid.  I appreciated the spittle, though, it’s how us kids knew what level of anger she was at and how long we should hide out in our bedrooms.

Baking with my kids is pretty much one of my favorite things to do, partly because I love eating and because it reminds me of being in the kitchen with my mother.  I loved baking with my mom, she would always invite us in to help with whatever it was she was working on.  Being ever so kind, she would let me mix the cookie batter and pretend not to notice when I stole some from the bowl to eat.  I can’t publicly admit to letting mine eat the mix because of our current knowledge of salmonella and the internet police/judgment but you know (wink wink).

I love Mariah Carey’s Christmas album.  I know other people love it but we ain’t talking about them.  Our love for that album runs deep, passed down from generation to generation.  If my kids are lucky, they’ll get to dance around the kitchen, listening to the great MC sing “All I want for Christmas” while  waiting for the biscuits ( a recipe passed down from Great-Grandma) to come out of the oven.

Just like Mom and I would do.


Trying to say bye to the haze

I’ve been trying to formulate my thoughts and organize what I want to say, which is why I haven’t posted anything in a week. Hah!

The past year has been a bitch and the last few months have been it’s bastard cousin. When times start getting a little rough I tend to use junk food as a cushion. In addition to the extra padding on my posterior I’ve noticed my mood is more off-kilter than it generally is.

It’s been brought to my attention that it could be the sugary treats which I have developed an addiction. Doug, who I love and am in agreement with to annoy until death or zombie apocalypse part us, suggested I take a break from the “white devil”. He can say that because he’s white. I can repeat it but I have to use air quotes because I’m black.  

I tried to quit a couple of times but I either fall into a state of despair and decree to my family,

“What does it matter anyway?! It doesn’t!!”

And I get back under the covers in my bed to settle in for another round of Community on Netflix. None of this manages to phase the kids, in case you’re concerned for their welfare.

Or, I just forget. Not in the convenient lie way”oh, did you want that toy you put into the cart which I promptly put back when you weren’t looking? I forgot”. Legitimately, I forget. My stepdaughter asked me yesterday how the no sugar or chips was going and I blankly stared at her trying to decide whether or not I was supposed to be offended by what she said. 

But today, my friends, I’m going to really put some effort into this less-to-no sugar thing. I’ve started the Wild Rose cleanse to help me get through the fog and give me some structure/guidance.  

I tried to do this once before and I think I made it to day 6 or 7 out of 12…. so this go I’m just going to use the rest of that one. If I stick to it, I’ll buy a new kit to finish the cleanse (I’m a dreamer, I’m not deluded).  

2 of each pill twice a day and 30 drops of whatever that is twice a day = less of a sugar addiction

I’m not going to get into the cleanse itself because that’s what google is for. Do I have to explain “Laxaherb”?
Rest assured, there’s still plenty of healthy foods involved in this quest for mental clarity, just not sugar. 😢

Today is day one. I started halfway through the day because I forgot I said I’d start today. I threw away my remaining piece of licorice, returned the candy to the freezer (our hiding place from the kids until they get taller/smarter) and drank some water to drown my stomach’s growls that are telling me to eat the cheezies in the cupboard.

Here’s hoping this helps clear the fog or, at the very least, helps clear the pipes. By the way, this brown rice tastes like I’m going forget about this cleanse tomorrow.


via Daily Prompt: Promises

I’ve said it a million times before.

Everyday I say, today will be the day.

Today I’ll make the change.

I’ll go for that walk or run.  I’ll sit down at my desk and finish writing.

Finally join a playgroup so my kid and I can make friends.

But another day passes and still, no change.

Every night I reflect. Compare what I’ve actually done in comparison to the promises made.

I make excuses for myself and wipe the slate clean.

Tomorrow will be a brand new day.


Make-up Free Movement

I love Alicia Keys. I love her music, her style and her persona.  I appreciate the positive role model she aims to be, including being make-up free.  Gabrielle Union, Tamron Hall, Kim Kardashian and Al Roker are on board – THEIR FACES WANNA BE FREE. And a movement was born.

Well, I’m here to tell you.  My mama championed this movement, if you can call it that. The trailblazer.

Way back in 1950something a black baby girl was born. She grew and blossomed into a fine young lady and she proclaimed “HELL NO, I WON’T USE NO ARTIFICIAL GLOW”.  I’m assuming it went like that.  Anyhoo, she went on to win a local beauty queen contest BOTH make-up free and afro-full.

Fast forward a few years and she had a baby girl, her favorite child, me.   She bestowed upon me all of her knowledge about make-up and it’s importance.  Which is to say, not a single piece of information was passed along in regards to this matter with the exception of “make-up is not to be worn in this house until you are at least 16”. My first encounter with make-up was a gift I’d received when I was 10ish and was promptly forced to return.

6a582df94a3b697a1ab4f5439b777e23I’ll never forget, it was Sweet Secrets – the little toys with the lip gloss inside.  At the time I was so upset about my loss but in retrospect, I’d get rid of a toy my child had with a creepy-ass name like Sweet Secrets.




After that, I swore never to be scorned by make-up again (until jr. high/high school and college).  Even well into my college years, playing with make-up here and there didn’t have a huge impression on me.  I would play around with it and buy a few pieces, but not consistently.  It didn’t stick and to this day, it hasn’t. I love getting my make-up done but I’d rather spend my time doing something I love. Like sleep. Or nap.

I think it’s great these celebs are stepping up and positively guiding our youths (yes, youths) but they’re not at the forefront of this trend.  Just picking up where my mama left off.

http://people.com/style/stars-join-alicia-keys-makeup-free-movement/ via @People_Style

*I obtained some info from this People article.  Not like anyone reads this but, just in case, People, don’t sue me.

Seven Queries

Some musings from my brain to yours.  Please feel free to comment with your opinions.

  1. Since when is it a big deal to refer to your step-child as such? I was perusing Meetups groups in order to make myself make friends (spoiler – I still have no friends) and came across a group for stepmothers who all referred to their step kids as “bonus children”.  I’m not against the term but…why?  I love my stepdaughter as though she came out of my own womb and she knows that. I treat her the same way I treat my bio son (horribly…jk, don’t call social services). My partner and I have explained what it means to be a step parent (she also has a stepdad).  We have asked her what term she would prefer to be used since kids and their friends need INFORMATION (whoareyouhowlonghaveyoubeenfriendsdoyouhavegamesonyourphone) and she chose Stepmom.  I wish people would get rid of the negative connotation of Step-whatever and embrace it!  Oh, and don’t bring up references to “wicked stepmother” in front of my kids and act like it’s funny or expect a laugh. It. Ain’t.Funny.
  2. How is it that no matter where I buy my shower curtain or shower curtain rings, they always match up with the exact amount of rings to fit the curtain.  What kind of sorcery is that?  Is there a shower curtain industry rulebook with ring regulation?
  3. Why do so many government employees act as though they are above everyone else? You work for me. You get paid because of my tax dollars. I should be able to contribute to your quarterly reviews if I’ve dealt with you directly in the last 6 months.  I’m tired of imbeciles kissing an “important’s” ass then turning around to wipe their shitty mouths on the shirts of the blue collar workers (that analogy really doesn’t make sense but I’m leaving it).
  4. Why do some countries criminals get charged with War crimes and others don’t?  Recently, it’s been discussed in the news that Russia might get charged with war crimes for their role in the bombings in Aleppo, Syria.  Why doesn’t the USA get charged for their participation in war(s)?  The UN decides these things, does this mean there’s a sort of rulebook for wars.  Atrocities you’re allowed to commit and a ranking of countries and the severity of crimes that are allowed to be committed? And if it can be enforced, why isn’t this happening for ALL wars.  There are civil wars happening all over the place, why isn’t the UN standing up and saying HEY, QUIT THAT SHIT RIGHT FUCKIN’ NOW.
  5. For every single government agency that exists there should be an external watchdog which rotates its individuals to avoid corruption.  The government monitoring the government or the police monitoring the police is part of the reason nothing changes and things don’t get done.  It’s like I tell my kids, someone needs to make sure there’s ACCOUNTABILITY.
  6. It should be illegal to raise taxes when a government official makes over $100,000.  ILLEGAL.
  7. Why are people in this world so afraid of change?  Shit isn’t working the way we’ve got it now. Time for an overhaul. A complete Earth overhaul.  We messed up along the way and decided to treat animals like garbage, people like animals and faun over material possessions instead of fostering environments based on humanity and humility.

2. Facade

Talisa tried to clear her mind, shake loose the menacing feelings that followed her from the beach.  Hunter would be home soon and if she didn’t want him worrying about her. His constant state of concern was only out of love, that he cared for her greatly and didn’t want to ever see her hurt or afraid but she felt silly at the thought of explaining why she was anxious. She scolded herself for being so foolish and told herself aloud that she’d better get supper on the table.  Talia pressed play on her phone and let the music take up space in the house that the mouth-watering smell of pot roast hadn’t occupied.

“Hey, boo!” Talisa jumped, startled out of her daze. “Did i scare you?” Hunter said, stifling a laugh as best he could.  He knew he startled her; she could be staring directly at the door and a person enter through it and still manage to jump out of her skin.

“Me? Never!” She grinned at him, so relieved to see his face. “How was work, you had a big meeting in the city, right?”  Hunter kicked off his shoes off while walking across the living room to the kitchen to give her a kiss on the forehead, like he always does, and pulled Talisa in close for a hug.  She always felt comforted by his embrace, albeit it a little fatherly than lover-like.  “Yup! Back to back to back.” He took a deep  breath, taking in Talisa and the roast, “Everything smells delicious.”  She buried her head in his neck , noting how cool his skin felt, thinking he must have been driving with the windows down despite the chill. They stood close, arms wrapped around each other, swaying with the music. “And how was your day?” “Same as always!  Write, read, relax, repeat,” she replied with a grin.  “Dont forget cook – this all looks delicious!” he said, stepping away from her and looking around the room. “I’m going to head upstairs to wash up and change before we eat, that okay?” She nodded, leaning to give him a quick kiss. “Are you sure everything is alright? Today was okay?” he asked again with a slight concerned tone. Talisa’s thoughts quickly went back to the beach, the feeling of dread returning quickly and settling in with plans to stay.  She knew something wasn’t right. Something…someone…was back.  Not a trick of the eye or a glimmer in the distance.  Until she knew what it was, or who it was, she would keep it to herself.

She smiled, bright and wide, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and squeezing him tight.   “Don’t worry,” she said through a forced grin, staring out of the window behind him and into the darkness. “Business as usual.”


via Daily Prompt: Facade