This year has provided me with many opportunities to evaluate how I treat others and how I treat myself. While I haven’t come full circle to land in a place I’m fully comfortable (will that ever happen?), I’ve realized some things and I am gonna write ’em out a few of them to share ’em with you and make a little reminder for me.
I am aware that some people do not deserve you and you do not deserve some people. It goes both ways. I know damn well that I’ve got issues and despite trying to work on them, I don’t communicate my every move and I don’t mesh with everyone. I’m sure there are some people on my Facebook friends list who plan to delete me in 2018, and that’s cool. You don’t owe me an explanation. And there are definitely some people in my life who need to get the ax. In some instances, I’m not ready to take the swing but I sure as hell can put their ass on mute. Those analogies don’t line up but I am exhausted. You know where I’m going with this. Initially, I worried this was cowardly but then I realized, I don’t owe anyone an explanation for a thing. Not a got damn thang.
If you’ve read some of my blog posts, you know that I’ve struggled with my sense of self. I mean, who hasn’t? If you haven’t, how do you do it? Tell me your secrets! A big realization for me is that I am sure as hell allowed to change my perception of self. I always worried this was phony but I’m here to tell you and myself that it’s not. I’m still learning and growing and discovering who I am and while my basic principles remain the same, the person I am is not. Now, I seem to be coming off a little angry here, as though someone told me I’m not allowed to do change. Nah, never that. I told myself that. Sit down, me. Now, stand back up. Congrats on learning a lesson. I told y’all, I’m super tired but I really wanna write this out.
Now, I don’t know if I’ve made this clear, but parenting is hard. IT’S SO H A R D. Am I whining? NO. Well, not really.
Shit’s hard yo. I’ve learned that it just keeps getting harder, based on what people tell me. “You think three is difficult? Wait until they’re 13. I wish my kid was three again.”
Why Y’all gotta frighten a girl?
One big lesson I’ve learned this year is to be gracious and accept the lessons your children teach you. My kids have taught me a thing or two about patience, forgiveness, and kindness in moments when I was displaying none of those traits. These kids I’ve been blessed with (hashtag blessed) drive me straight up and down the wall but they’re also so loving, caring, and thoughtful.
I think that is a basic, last minute, late night round of the main philosophies I’ve learned this year. Are they philosophies? I had to write that word out wayyyy too many times, it stays.
I think I’m ready to ponder some goals for the new year! I’m afraid of the word “resolution”. Too official, so permanent – don’t get it twisted 2018, I’m still ready for ya!
Feel free to share your 2017 reflections with me!
Thanks for reading, my lovely pals!